The interesting past of a boring person

Counting on my fingers, next year I will reach the statutory retirement age. I came to the Dalian Port Pilot Station in 1989, and in the blink of an eye, it has been 38 years. Many people and events have faded from memory, yet there are countless fragments that remain as vivid as yesterday, clearly etched in my mind.

The Joy of Piloting

In the eyes of outsiders, I might be considered a rather dull person—no skills in music, chess, calligraphy, painting, or singing; little socializing, seemingly indifferent to the pursuit of a "good life." But I know deep down that this perceived dullness is simply because I have poured all my joy into one thing—piloting.

In the early 1990s, when I had just started working, conditions were rudimentary. At that time, we used small wooden boat models to simulate berthing angles, anchoring methods, and port entry and exit routes while discussing pilot cases. As a young apprentice, I was shy and hesitant to speak in front of veteran pilots, but I was determined to master the skills and become someone like my mentor, commanding with confidence. So, I often stayed up late, fiddling with the wooden boat and studying my apprentice notes repeatedly, pondering the best berthing posture, the optimal position to gain the upper hand, and the most suitable entry angle. Talking to myself in the dead of night, that "madness" still amazes me when I think back. During my three years as an apprentice, I followed my mentor on every ship, with the norm being "the mentor rests, but the apprentice doesn't." Even at home, my mind was occupied with ship maneuvering steps, gradually developing a habit of meticulous thinking and slow reflection.

After I could pilot independently, every time I completed a task, I would replay the entire process in my mind like a movie, scrutinizing every command and adjustment. Finding even one detail to optimize brought me joy, as if I had taken another step forward. The satisfaction of "diving in and figuring it out" was my greatest joy back then. To this day, I often dream of the command "hard a port," which was the mandatory instruction for ships entering the old terminal of Dalian Port.

My mentor once said, "Piloting is a stage for men to achieve greatness." I took this to heart and personally experienced the grandeur of this stage. Standing on the bridge of a giant ship, commanding ultra-large crude carriers (VLCCs), ultra-large ore carriers (VLOCs), floating production storage and offloading vessels (FPSOs), aircraft carriers, and even underwater tunnel immersion tubes—these "ocean giants" obediently follow the trajectory we set for them. Maneuvering tens of thousands of tons of steel in thunderstorms, advancing and retreating with ease, turning with precision, and docking steadily—this pride needs no words.

People often joke that we pilots are "single-minded." A leader from another unit once said he saw two pilots on a bus arguing heatedly over a case. Indeed, when we gather, we never stray far from our profession—techniques, cases, evaluations—we never tire of discussing them. Outsiders may find it silly, but for us, it stems from genuine interest and passion.

Having spent a lifetime piloting, I have always held deep admiration for skilled colleagues. Whenever I see veteran pilots or highly competent peers successfully completing major piloting tasks, or safely guiding large oil tankers, container ships, or bulk carriers into port under adverse weather conditions, I feel a surge of respect and reverence, dreaming of becoming such a master pilot myself.

Achievements and Being Achieved

Piloting is a job that brings a sense of accomplishment when things go smoothly, but frustration, self-blame, and even regret when they don't. Sometimes, due to various reasons, piloting processes may have flaws or even lead to safety incidents, leaving me feeling upset for a long time, repeatedly reflecting on what I could have done better. But once a giant ship docks smoothly, hearing the captain's "Good Job," seeing the approval of dock workers and the trust of port and shipping companies, all the hardships, grievances, and frustrations vanish. Confidence returns, and I feel the vastness of the sky and sea, and a sense of inner peace.

My home is close to the port, and I can see Dalian Bay as soon as I step outside. During walks, I often point to passing giant ships and tell my family, "That ship was piloted by so-and-so, and I piloted that one too." My family has heard it so many times that they are used to it. But every time I say it, my sense of pride grows. This weight of pride may not be fully understood by outsiders, but I know it well.

At the unit's Spring Festival gala two years ago, there was a skit called "I Work, I Am Happy," which poked fun at leaders who overly emphasize work, drawing laughter from the audience. But I know in my heart: I am not forced to work; I truly find joy in piloting. What others see as dullness is, for me, a life that is solid and fulfilling.

Reflecting calmly, I realize that over the decades, I have treated work as my sole hobby, with almost all my happiness tied to it. If I had cultivated one or two other interests in my youth—whether calligraphy, gardening, music, or hiking—life might have been richer and more colorful. But life has no turning back, and my energy and passion ultimately poured into the piloting profession.

Later, when I took on a management role, I felt the weight on my shoulders grow heavier. It was no longer just about managing myself but also about leading the team, serving the port and enterprises well. Over the years, my colleagues and I have researched and implemented service measures, optimized scheduling processes, improved efficiency, safeguarded major vessels and key projects, enhanced infrastructure, improved working conditions, strengthened professional training, and promoted piloting culture to enhance a sense of belonging and happiness.

In the eyes of others, I am still that "dull" person. But I know, like most pilots, our "interesting" moments are hidden in the success of safe piloting, in the breakthroughs of technical research, in the achievements of team progress, and in the responsibility of ensuring the port's safety and smooth operations. Looking back on 38 years of work, there were no grandiose moments, no exciting leisure activities, but I have no regrets because I have experienced piloting, and piloting has shaped me. That is enough!